[OK, this threaded weird and ended up elsewhere. Alison, can you delete that other one?]
OKC. I used Tinder for a while but I ran through all the people in my area in a few months. Without the profile to get a sense of personality I could only go on pics, and they mostly looked like bros.
In general, this is what worked for me. (Some of this may be stuff you do already, of course. Also sorry if it comes across as punchy or jerky, we opened the wine and are now watching Batman and Robin so I’m in a silly mood. And sorry for typos – on my phone.)
Profiles:
When you’re browsing, go with your gut. If you have dealbreakers (smoking, kids, poly) or course screen for those. But don’t reject a match out of hand because you always saw yourself with a white-collar guy or he’s an inch shorter than you or he looks cute in 3 photos but weird in one. Can you have a drink with him? Ok, he might be a match.
For your profile, funny and readable is your goal. Think of it as small talk at a party. You’re not giving your life story, just enough to give people a sense of who you are and interest them if they like what they see. Also, don’t list dealbreakers on your profile. Filter for them on your own.
Messages:
You don’t have to reply to everyone who messages you. If they’re creepy or gross, just block. Do not give an eff about their feelings. If they’re just not interesting, ignore. They probably won’t follow up and if they do and are annoying, see step one.
MESSAGE PEOPLE YOU’RE INTERESTED IN. Sorry for the caps, but this is the biggest mistake I see people make online dating, especially women. Don’t sit back waiting for the accolades to roll in. Do they seem interesting? Fire off a quick message that can start a conversation. I found that one drink helped a lot, or messaging after I’d spent a great evening with friends and felt awesome and funny and loved.
Once you message, hide (not block) the person (OKC specific). This will keep them from showing up in your match results or on your activity feed. Set it and forget it.
Chatting and dates.
I always said its not online dating, it’s online singles introduction service. Don’t talk for days and days. Any relationship will happen offline so get there as soon as you have determined that you can probably enjoy this person’s company for 2 hours. (If you have safety concerns, I have a whole separate lecture series on that. :) just let me know.)
Once you’ve determined you can hang out with them for an hour, plan a date. Day, time and place are all crucial. Suggest them, and assume they will offer an alternative if one doesn’t work. Afternoon dates or week nights are great, because if you’re just not feeling it you can blame evening plans or work tomorrow as you jet. Always plan to go Dutch the first date. I almost never went on first dates on weekends unless I was just looking to hook up. If he’s a goon, I feel like I just wasted my Saturday night.
The goal of the first date is only to decide if you want a second date.
Other:
I personally found that casually dating multiple people (my limit was 3) helped me get less all up in my head about any one of them. If one faded or flaked, I didn’t think “ugh, here we go again”, I thought “oh, I can reactivate my profile again if I want to” (I also have a separate lecture series on the etiquette of this, only 3 easy payments of $9.99).
Whether or not you date multiple people, online dating is like vitamins. It’s a supplement to your regular life, not a replacement. Do all the other things you love, and let dating be something for 2 happy hours a week or Saturday afternoon. Don’t worry that you’re missing something by not being available all the time. (During a very dull week I went on 8 first dates in 10 days, and I swear I blacked out halfway through from sheer social exhaustion. Don’t do that. :) )
What killed the dinosaurs? The ice age!!! (Sorry, aforementioned movie. Also, my love of parentheses)
